Couples Therapy in Seattle

From Conflict to Connection

Maybe you're fighting all the time. Or maybe you're just...distant. Polite. Going through the motions.

You love each other, but something's missing. The spark. The closeness. The sense that you actually matter to each other.

Or maybe it's worse - you're stuck in the same painful patterns. One of you reaches, the other pulls away. Or you both shut down. Or you fight about the same things over and over.

Either way, you know something needs to change.

What's Actually Happening

You're not broken. Your relationship isn't doomed. You're caught in a cycle - a pattern of disconnection that happens when attachment needs go unmet.

One partner moves toward (pursuing). The other moves away (withdrawing). Or you both withdraw. These aren't personality flaws. They're protection strategies you learned early on when connection felt unsafe.

Sometimes the cycle is loud - conflict, criticism, defensiveness. Sometimes it's quiet - distance, avoidance, just coexisting. Both hurt. Both make sense.

The fights about money, sex, parenting, or who does the dishes? The feeling that you're roommates instead of partners? Those aren't the real problem.

What you're actually fighting about:

Can I count on you?
Do I matter to you?
Are you with me or am I alone in this?

Am I too much for you?
Do you even like me anymore?
Do you think I'm broken?
Am I worthy of your love?

Will I ever get this right?
Am I failing you?
Do I have what it takes?
Is this all my fault?

When these questions feel unanswered, your nervous system kicks in. Fight, flight, or freeze. It's automatic. And it slowly erodes your connection.

How This Works

We map your cycle.
Not what you fight about - how you get stuck. You'll see exactly what triggers it, what each of you does to protect yourself, and how those moves impact your partner.

We slow it down.
You'll start catching the cycle in real time. Spotting it before it takes over. Eventually, you'll interrupt it before the damage is done.

We build new moments.
This is where change happens. You'll share what's actually happening beneath the anger or the shutdown. Your partner will hear it differently. You'll experience what it feels like when vulnerability gets met with care instead of criticism or distance.

These moments rewire your relationship. Not metaphorically. Literally.

What Changes

When this works:

• You stop the painful patterns before they spiral
• You feel close again, not just functional
• You repair after conflict instead of staying distant for days
• You ask for what you need instead of attacking, withdrawing, or just going quiet
• You respond to your partner instead of defending or shutting down
• You build secure attachment - not the idea of it, the felt sense of it

The research backs this up: 70-75% of distressed couples recover. 90% show significant improvement. The changes stick.

This Work Is Real

Growth requires risk. You'll share vulnerable feelings you've protected for years. You'll hear hard truths about how your protection hurts your partner.

Some sessions will be uncomfortable. Some will crack you open.

But here's the payoff: a relationship where you feel safe. Where you can count on each other. Where you're not just managing logistics or keeping the peace - you actually matter to each other.

Who This Helps

• Couples in crisis, stuck in painful cycles
• Couples who've drifted apart and want to reconnect
• Partners recovering from affairs or betrayal
• Relationships that are "fine" but missing something
• LGBTQ+ and straight couples
• Monogamous and non-monogamous relationships
• Married and unmarried partners
• New relationships and decades-long marriages

If you can show up and do the work, this approach can help.

I Use Emotionally Focused Therapy

EFT is the most researched couples therapy approach. It's based on attachment science - how we're wired for connection from birth, and what happens when that connection feels threatened.

This isn't communication skills. It's not about learning to "fight fair" or compromise better. It's about understanding what's actually driving your patterns and creating new experiences that change them.

Love makes sense. Even the painful parts. Even the quiet distance. Your struggles aren't random - they're your natural responses to disconnection from someone who matters. We work with that, not against it.

Ready to Move From Conflict to Connection?